20 Hilarious School Exam Answers

The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in England.

These are genuine answers from 16 year olds, not very bright, but entertaining, 16 year olds.

Q. Name the four seasons

A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink

A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed

A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans

A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on

A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections

A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids

A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q. What happens to your body as you age

A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty

A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes

A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination

A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour

A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)

A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U

Q. What is the fibula?

A. A small lie

Q. What is the most common form of birth control

A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’

A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?

A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness

A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?

A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?

A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

Related:

Arab Saudi...??

kawan aku bagi link ni..baca sendiri dan fikir-fikirlah...

http://www.blessedquietness.com/alhaj/saudi01.htm


"For some time now I have been getting signals about Saudi Arabia. I think it is time to tell you what I know, and, in the end of this page, I will do a bit of speculating based on my research of the Middle East.

This page will consist of the following:

1. A brief review of the history of Saudi Arabia

2. A discussion of why the USA has interests in Saudi Arabia, and how that looks today.

3. A discussion of Osama Bin Ladan and his true zeal.

4. Three postings from an Arab Muslim dissenting against the Saudi Regime.

5. Material gleaned from the Web on Saudi present conditions.

6. My final observations, particularly using the King James Bible"

Scott Gerber: Never Get a "Real" Job

Why Young Entrepreneurs Fail

Founder of Under30CEO.com, Matt Wilson, shares tips to avoid failure.

By Scott Gerber | July 20, 2010

Face it. Nothing will go as planned. Ever.

Failure is inevitable. Your world will be flipped upside-down on a daily basis, and even the best-laid plans--accompanied by the best intentions--can go belly-up.

To make it as a business owner in the real world, you need to learn to fail like a pro, adapt at will and pay attention to detail in order to make informed decisions that will keep your business moving forward. Your ability to plan for the worst-case scenario and maneuver around unforeseen circumstances will be the keys to finding success as your own boss.

Matt Wilson is a young entrepreneur who knows a thing or two about failure. He's hustling it out like the rest of us and created a company, Under30CEO , to provide tools and resources to help aspiring entrepreneurs drop their 9-to-5 and take control of their lives. Under30CEO has helped countless people overcome adversity, avoid catastrophe and survive failure.

What was your biggest failure as a young entrepreneur?
MW: My biggest failure as an entrepreneur came at Under30CEO after wavering from our mission of inspiring young entrepreneurs. We were frustrated because our market wasn't buying what we had to sell, so we took on an enormous re-branding campaign and changed the name of our company to incorporate a larger audience and drop our under-30 demographic. We spent a lot of time and money trying to expand our market. Still, nobody bought.

It doesn't matter how big your market is if nobody likes your product. It wasn't the market's fault. Our product was bad, and we ruined our brand and had to start from scratch. The most embarrassing part was going back to our old brand and apologizing to our old customers we wanted to welcome back.

That being said, now we spend a lot more time getting to know our market instead of trying to sell anything to anyone. We were in a hurry to turn cash-flow-positive when we needed to stay focused and be patient.

Are there specific obstacles young entrepreneurs need to overcome vs. older generations?
The biggest thing for a young entrepreneur to overcome is credibility. Why should someone invest in you? Why should someone trust your advice? What will make people think you will get the job done with no track record? Building credibility is best done with a stepping-stone approach. Do one thing today that will make you more credible tomorrow. If people won't pay you or invest in you, give away your product or service for free, get testimonials from customers and build your track record that way. Show customers what value you can provide them, and if you can quantify that value, even better. The more things you can come to the table to brag about, the better.

What about some typical missteps you've seen young entrepreneurs make?
One of the biggest mistakes young entrepreneurs make is neglecting their revenue model. Today there are so many businesses that haven't figured out how to monetize themselves yet. To me, the word monetize is redundant in business. If you don't have a business model, you aren't really in business--it's just a hobby. Sure, investors are dropping millions of dollars into companies with hopes of being acquired by Google, but without a solid business model behind it, you are just building "castles in the sky."

Seasoned investors and accomplished entrepreneurs can help mentor young people to overcome this hurdle. Show them your financials and focus on how to generate cash flow. There are thousands of people out there who want to see young people succeed--you just need to ask.

What advice do you have for aspiring entrepreneurs who hate their 9-to-5s?
Aspiring entrepreneurs need to surround themselves with others who want more out of life than the typical 9-to-5. There is a great group of motivated people eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every night in your city, scraping by to build their business. Surrounding yourself with these types of people gives you the confidence to know you aren't alone on the road to success. The minute you quit your job, naysayers will come out of the woodwork, but if you have that support group to fall back on, you'll be able to overcome the hard times.

Remember, entrepreneurship is a marathon, not a sprint.

How has Under30CEO.com helped young entrepreneurs avoid failure and launch successful businesses?
More than 100 young entrepreneurs from all over the globe have shared their successes and failures on Under30CEO.com. Hearing insights from young people overcoming the same problems they are experiencing in their businesses allows Gen Y to come together and learn from one another. The community has a culture of reaching out to one another and helping each other with the challenges they are facing.

9 Ways to Prepare for Growth and Success

The economy taught you to expect the worst, but have you ever prepared for the best?

By JK Harris | March 20, 2010

It's Business 101 to have contingency plans in place for when things go wrong. But, conversely, are you prepared for growth and success? What if it turns out your positive expectations were too conservative? What if an unexpected celebrity endorsement sends demand for your product soaring? On a more practical--and likely--note, as the economy shows signs of turning around, are you ready for what that will mean for your operation

?

Here's what you need to do to be prepared for growth:

1. Know what growth means for you and your company.
   To prepare for something, you have to know what it is and how you'll recognize it. Growth is more than just hitting a set of numbers--it's a package that includes changes to your company in terms of operations, production, staffing and facilities. In addition, think about what growth means to you personally. What will your life be like when your company grows and profits increase? How hard are you going to have to work? Are you ready and willing to do what it takes?
   
2. Maintain relationships
   
   with your funding sources.
   The faster you grow, the more cash you're likely to need. Growth financing is every bit as hard--if not harder--to obtain than startup funding. Do regular cash-flow projections so that you know how much credit you're going to need well before you have to start writing checks. Develop and maintain strong relationships with your funding sources and be sure to have primary and backup sources available. In today's financial climate, it's harder than ever to predict credit availability, so stay on top of your cash and financial needs to give yourself have plenty of room to maneuver when it's time to borrow.
   
3. Get comfortable being in the spotlight.
   Successful owners of growing companies
   
   are almost always in the spotlight to some degree--maybe not always to the general public but certainly within your industry and with your employees. Be prepared for a level of attention that you probably haven't received before.
   
4. Hire people based on where you want to be, not where you are.
   The team that can successfully run a $1 million company is not the same team that can run a $100 million company. If your goal is growth, hire people who can perform in the size company you want to be--they'll help you get there.
   
5. Put the right people in the right places.
   The right people doing the right jobs is absolutely critical to sustain growth. Whole person assessments and job benchmarking will allow you to take a systematic approach to hiring and career development, which will reduce your mis-hires and employee turnover.
   
6. Take care of your people.
   Your employees are what keep you successful. Recognize and reward that. Working in a high-growth organization is stressful and challenging. Take note of your employees' work and respond appropriately, or risk losing top talent. Create an environment where people are willing to work through the growing pains. In addition, take care of your suppliers, professional advisors and anyone else who can have an effect on your operation.
   
7. Listen to the experts.
   You may be an expert in your business, but you don't know it all. What's more, there often will be experts who know more about particular parts of an industry than the insiders. Identify the experts, listen to them and learn from them. Let them help smooth out your learning curves and keep you on your growth track.
   
8. Stay close to your customers.
   No company can do without customers, and if you don't stay close to them, you'll lose them. Know what they need, but more important, know what they want and do everything you can to give that to them. Most important, communicate. Never let your customers wonder what's going on. Tell them--whether it's good or bad.
   
9. Focus on your core business and don't get distracted.
   Stick to the business your company knows best. Be sure any diversification or product line expansion you do makes sense. If it has nothing to do with your core business don't get into it just because it seems like a good opportunity. Otherwise, you'll you confuse your customers and your employees--and you'll likely find that dividing your efforts reduces the quality and profitability of everything.

Just as you plan for when things go wrong, also plan for when things go well. When you're prepared for growth, you better can manage the changes it brings and let it take you to the goal you set when you started.

tergerak hati....

terlalu susah untuk melelapkan mata.... log in blog. berfikir tentang topik untuk dikongsi bersama. RESIPI? aku bukan buleh masak sangat, tapi kalu style budak lelaki lembu (cowboy) mungkin buleh gasak kutt...

scroll bawah saja la....

Bahan2:

Macaroni - selalu pilih bentuk siput.
Daging Kisar
Bawang besar & bawang putih - potong dadu
Tomato - 1 biji.Potong dadu gak
Tomato Puree
Cendawan Butang - selalu brand REX yg ada halal from JAKIM
Cili Sos
Tomato Sos
Serbuk Oregano - bulih beli kat Giant kat bahagian rempah ratus
Mozarella cheese

Cara2:
Rebus macaroni & asingkan

Tumis bawang & masuk daging.Biar sampai daging bertukar warna coklat.
Masukkan 1 sudu tomato puree & tomato yg dipotong dadu.Kacau.Masuk cendawan, cili sos & tomato sos.
Garam secukup rasa.Masukkan macaroni dan tabur serbuk oregano.Angkat tabur mozarella cheese and heat it dalam microwave about 2-3 minit.

*Kalau tak de mikrowave boleh bakar atas pemanggang

Siap!

HAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!~~~